School of Life: 3 practical techniques to stop overthinking

You can free yourself and lead a calmer life but it must first come from a place of choice – you wanting to break away from this habit

Overthinking is thinking about a topic or situation, where a person replays small details and scrutinizes it for a long time. I see a lot of folks who worry excessively about themselves and their children’s future, which complicates things further; they feel stuck and uncared for by loved ones. The slightest transgression can consume hours of time in overthinking about the outcomes – “what if she fails,” “this or that will happen”; “he should have done it this way”; “I’m not good enough” – painting a bleak future. You start blaming others for things they didn’t do, pity yourself and end up worrying about circumstances that may or may not happen. As a result, it clouds your judgement. You can get so anxious that you end up pressurising yourself and your child to achieve perfection or even go in a direction that may not be the most suitable option.

Overthinking feels like living in a constant state where “something bad is about to happen!” (I will discuss facing your fears in another article.) It takes you further into a worrisome-projected-future of problematic scenarios. But think about what’s happening in your present – you are moody, probably forgetting things, putting your spectacles in the fridge and missing out on quality time. Without even realising it, it has left you drained physically and emotionally irritable, confused and angry. Now, you can well imagine the toll this takes on you and your relationships!

There are ways to deal with it, where you can curb this tendency of overthinking and regain control of yourself. Apply these three easy and effective steps to get through this stage

Use a New Lens: Rather than labelling your thoughts as good, bad, negative or dark, I urge you to approach them from a different lens of how they are helping you. Explore your thoughts and check if they are holding you back, creating limitations on your abilities or putting you down unnecessarily? Do they make you feel bogged down? Staying in this cycle of negative thoughts can keep you stuck and doesn’t push you forward. So, revisit your thoughts: ‘Is it helpful for me to think this way or are they unhelpful?’

If you find them helpful, channelise your thoughts to create a goal and write out an action plan to achieve it in a certain time frame. Also, think of ways to overcome the perceived problems. However, if you find they are unhelpful, divert your attention into something else, as they have no purpose apart from consuming your energy, mood and time.

The Present Power: Overthinking traps you in regrets of the past or apprehensions about what may or may not happen in the future. But life unfolds in the present. Bring you focus to what you are in the here and now. Instead of sitting and thinking, start doing something right now such as listening to music, doodling, exercising, etc. Leo Tolstoy said, “There is only one time that is important — now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.” Harness this power of the control you have in your present moment, now.

Reset with relaxation: A relaxation technique will help calm an overactive mind as this allows you to pause the cycle of overthinking and clears all the cluttered thoughts. This happens gradually, where you will reset your mind to live in the present and gain control over your thoughts. It may be slightly difficult, but by being consistent you will be able to transform your mind-space.

Overthinking can make your physical health deteriorate as your body reacts to these psychological feelings too, where there may be tensed muscles, restlessness and unexplained aches. Overthinking is a habit, and you can free yourself from it by noticing the tendency and following these steps consistently. You will be so much more rested, calmer and happier. So go ahead and first, make a decision to break away from this habit.

Shubhika Singh is a senior consultant psychologist specialising in young adults and the co-founder of Innerkraft.com, based in Kolkata